“I gave birth in New Jersey and I didn’t know anyone,” Terry said, “then we up-and-moved here to Ohio and I didn’t know anyone, so I just was kind of sick of being alone.”
So, Terry opted to start a local playdate group — for moms and kids alike — on the app Peanut.
Terry started the group in Nov. 2021, and in the eight months since, more than 800 moms throughout southwest Ohio and northern Kentucky have joined.
“It’s been around 100 moms joining every month. It made me not feel like I was so crazy,” Terry said. “I’m obviously not the only one who’s looking for some type of connection.”
Terry, who described the Peanut app as a friendly “Tinder for moms,” said users can individually swipe on other women that they might want to connect with, or they could search for groups such as hers.
There, she met Ashley Carter, a mother of a 2-year-old girl who has become particularly close with Terry through the playdates.
Through playdates, Carter and her daughter have both been able to build relationships and practice social skills after feeling secluded through the COVID-19 pandemic.
“When we started hanging out with Taylor, it was really nice because she could play with these other kids and learn how to interact with them and learn these social skills,” Carter said. “She gets a lot out of it.”
Carter, too, said the interactions have helped her rebuild social confidence, and connections with other mothers have reduced her anxiety about parenthood.
“I feel like it’s honestly helped me more than my daughter,” Carter said. “It’s just nice to know that you’re not alone.”
Terry consistently plans playdates that are open for anyone in the group to join. She spreads them around the several different hotspots of members in her group, including Sharonville, West Chester Twp., Hamilton, Fairfield and Loveland.
Each month, Terry plans a “Moms only” event, which allows group members to connect to each other in a way that isn’t so dependent on the identity of their specific kid.
“In motherhood, your identity becomes your kid,” Terry said. “I’m not saying that my kid’s not one of the most important things in my life, but I also have a personality and opinions outside of him.”
“It’s moms only, no kiddos,” Terry said over the phone, “so we’re just gonna have a moment to sit and talk and not — as I’m sure you can hear in the background — chase and entertain our little ones.”
That restriction gives moms a chance to unwind. This month, it’s a moms-only book club meeting at a restaurant. Other times, dads or partners are specifically invited out to make their own connections, too.
“When you sit at home and only talk to a 2-year-old for a week, just seeing another adult for a half hour makes such a change in your week,” Terry said, before directing a gentle-but-stern, “hey!” to calm her kid, adding, “As you can hear, he’s so jealous I’m on the phone and not paying attention to him.”
Terry said her group has individual moms who gave birth both before and during the pandemic and found that COVID-19 drastically changed the landscape.
Before the pandemic, social support for moms and their kids was easier to come by, Terry said. Moms were able to join support groups instantly after giving birth; there was less fear of taking your newborn out into the world.
“This time around, none of that was available for their second kid,” Terry said. “They said it was like being a new mom all over again.”
Terry, as a mother of one, can sense the COVID-19 pandemic impact. She’s lived many places, but found that combining a pandemic with parenthood made building support networks tough after moves.
“I had such a community in North Carolina and I thought I would have the same thing in New Jersey, and then we moved there and two months later the pandemic hit,” Terry said.
Terry said the isolating effect of COVID had “...changed pretty much what I thought motherhood would look like for me.”
“I feel so lucky to be a stay-at-home mom, but the isolation is something that I don’t think you know what to expect until you’re in it,” Terry said.
She said that sentiment has been echoed by many of the moms in her group, as well. Terry cordially calls herself and others like her “pandemic moms.”
“I think that’s what we all call ourselves. All of us who were trying to figure out parenthood in the pandemic — you were so scared,” Terry said. “Being a new mom is already scary, but then when you’re not sure if it’s safe to take your kid outside, I think it really alters how you see the world as a new mom.”
Terry and Carter said the connections they have made in the group have allowed them to feel better about struggling with common aspects of motherhood like postpartum depression.
“It was also nice to hear and connect with other moms that had that, and know that I wasn’t crazy or a bad mom, it was just something that happened,” Terry said. “I wouldn’t have known that until I connected with these other women through the playdate group.”
The group has allowed Terry and others to build deep connections with other families and like-minded parents. Some, even, have found their best friends through it — but Terry stressed that it’s open for newcomers, too.
“I just think maybe taking that first step is the most important thing,” Terry said. “Just showing up to a playdate, and even if you don’t talk to anyone, that’s a first step. Then next time, you say ‘Hi,’ to someone.”
FIND IT ONLINE
Visit the group at https://peanut.app.link/tZIffcQpWkb.
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