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Random thoughts: Bear slippers, inner monologues and the perfect football/rock and roll analogy

Before another football season get fully underway, I need to clean out the notebook. Enjoy!

Speaking of football, its return reminds me of a pet peeve of mine: Teams who hurry to the line only to stop and look to the sideline for a play call for 10 seconds.

Banning this might be extreme, but how about this: Every time a team calls an audible from the sideline, the play should only be worth half the yards it gains. (Maybe we can make an exception when there are under two minutes.)...  

Does anyone know what the carnivores in Zootopia eat?... 

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Speaking of food, the calorie count on donuts can’t be right, can it? Clearly inflated. Probably a conspiracy funded by the same people trying to make kale a thing...  

I frequently forget how much I want a pair of bear slippers like Homer Simpson used to wear... 

Nobody who believes the apple falls far from the tree saw me recycling baling twine in the garden Sunday... 

Is Badison the worst character on any show ever?... 

Twitter is basically the world’s longest and least fun game of Telephone... 

Sad to see, but Pearl Jam has officially sucked longer than they were good. What a shame. (Still love to pull out Ten or Vs. any time though.)... 

I hope we get over our obsession with jumping to conclusions about everything that happens nowadays, but I’m pretty sure we won’t.

That’s a shame because it tends to establish unreasonable expectations, and when those inevitably aren’t met, the eventual conclusion seems disappointing -- even if it is the most appropriate given all the facts. Not great... 

If I were to start a new blog, I’d call it “Homer Simpson’s Inner Monologue” because that’s one thing that always delivers.

Someone must be devoted solely to writing what’s going on in Homer’s brain because I’m envisioning that being the only way to consistently deliver... 

The 2018 SEC football media guide failed inspection by my 2-year-old. The binding is too stiff so it won’t stay open without being held by both hands. (This was not the case last year, by the way). Big oversight here, IMO...

Tiger Woods competing on Sunday at the British Open a few weeks after LeBron signed with the Lakers reminded me there’s an amazing number of Tiger/Lakers fans in the Midwest. (Yeah, I’ve been sitting on these for a while...) 

Apparently the best time to go to the grocery on the weekend is Friday night. Yes it pained me to write that (not to mention discovering it)...

Speaking of the grocery, I got an email from Kroger pimping a video in which Jeff Goldblum “takes on avocado toast.” I didn’t click...

Finally there is this: The glorious return of football also brings the wasteful debate about which brand is better, college football or the NFL.

Spoiler: both are good. 

What it comes down to is the NFL is Led Zeppelin and college football is The Beatles. (Where the Stones come in I haven’t determined.)

The Beatles came first and were amazing. They’ve done all sorts of wild stuff, some that worked and some that didn’t, but it was pretty much always fun even if it wasn’t even always really “rock and roll.” 

Zeppelin surveyed the musical landscape, grabbed (and/or stole) pieces from here and there and created something new that made everything else look like cat vomit.

A visceral yet technical masterpiece of emotion and power that was greater than anything to come before or after. 

Not everything they did was good or made sense, either, but they’ll always have this: 

Rock on! 

About the Author

Marcus Hartman has been a digital sports columnist and reporter at Cox Media Group Ohio since 2016. 

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