I’m not a real whiz when it comes to playing the stock market, which is why I have a staff of highly paid analysts handling my lucrative portfolio. If anyone asked me about getting in on this Facebook deal, I’d have to say I’d rather invest in a Mississippi ski resort. Fads come and go, and when times get better and people actually go back to work, who will have time to “friend” anyone?

The Reds are hitting (or not) the quarter pole playing .500 baseball. In most divisions they would be in a hole only a fracking crew could love. But in the mediocre N.L. Central, even the sleep-walking Reds remain a threat.

So what can Cincinnati do to overtake the Cardinals? My four-point plan: 1) Tell Brandon Phillips to stop flailing away at first-pitch balls; 2) Get Aroldis Chapman in the starting rotation; 3) Encourage Dusty Baker to go “Major League” on his team and throw some bats in the shower; 4) Plead insanity on that Josh Hamilton deal and bring that tattooed slugger back to GABP.

It’s almost as if Ohio State is trying to shine a light on the stupidity of the NCAA rule book. OSU reported 46 “secondary” violations last week. Among them was a felonious act committed by Urban Meyer, who wished a recruit “good luck” during a non-contact period.

British fuddy-duddies have their knickers in a twist over the decision to make McDonald’s and Heineken official sponsors of the upcoming Summer Olympics. There will be a Golden Arches in London’s Olympic Village and McDonald’s will be the only brand-name restaurant at the games.

Let’s go Pacers. The Heat look to be on the verge of imploding heading into Game 4 today in Indiana, lifting spirits in Cleveland. Miami is down to the Big Two and one of them (Dwyane Wade) thought it would be super cool to show up his coach during the Pacers’ Game 3 win. Erik Spoelstra responded by cancelling Friday’s practice.

The young coach’s next job is guaranteed to be more enjoyable than managing this soap opera.

The Dayton Gems called it quits last week, becoming the 87th minor-league hockey franchise to discover that any pro sport that doesn’t include a Dragon is a shaky proposition in these parts.

Keep your heads up, hockey enthusiasts. A new franchise is on the way and reportedly will add Dayton to the Federal League roster. Federal? That’s the league in which the Johnstown Chiefs played in the movie classic “Slap Shot.”

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2163 or bkollars@coxohio.com.