With about 10 to 15 percent of school-age children needing mental health care every year, there are lots of good reasons to seek professional help when needed. However, it’s a waste of time and money to seek therapy for your child for the following reasons.

1. Discover the root cause of my child’s misbehavior. Many parents are legitimately bewildered by their children’s behavior. Parents seek an answer to a very simple question, “What is the underlying reason why my youngster is acting so poorly?” While I understand parents concern and curiosity, the question is simply impossible to answer. Psychologists like myself are pretty good at speculating why a child may be behaving a certain way, but there is really no way to know if my guess is any better than yours.

Let’s assume for a moment that we could answer that question, and discovered a child’s bad behavior was caused by some hurtful childhood event. Such information doesn’t really help us assist your child in changing his behavior. Kids typically make changes in response to their parents’ management of the problem, not when youngsters gain some insight into what happened to them years ago.

2. Improve my child’s self-concept. Parents mistakenly think that their children would behave better if only they felt better about themselves. I don’t blame parents for thinking that way, as the mental health establishment has done a disservice to parents by preaching about the importance of self-image. These folks are terribly wrong. There is simply no relationship between a positive self-concept and good behavior, whereas there is a very strong link between a child’s self-control and her appropriate behavior.

We all want our children to feel good about themselves. However, such feelings don’t come from talking with a psychologist. Rather, kids develop a positive self-image when they experience success and begin to see themselves as competent and caring people.

3. Deal with inconsistent parenting approaches. Parents who are unpredictable or inconsistent cause serious problems to their kids. I realize that each parent may have a somewhat different style in handling some misbehavior. However, kids are more apt to misbehave when the rules are ambiguous and enforced inconsistently.

Therapy can be very helpful in those situations, but for you, not your child! My talking with your child won’t change your ineffective parenting. In such situations, I tell parents that I would love to work with them, but don’t bother bringing their kids to the sessions.

4. Cope with adult dysfunction. Don’t take your child to a therapist for help in coping with your drug problem, dysfunctional marriage, or stressed-out life. Get help for yourself, and your children’s behavior will dramatically improve.

Don’t be reluctant to seek professional help, but please be certain you come for the right reasons.