I’m not surprised by that, though. Not only are partners and the members of many families not nearly as lovable as the average cocker spaniel, some of them aren’t even standable and don’t deserve gifts on Valentine’s or any other day.
More surprising is that 91 percent tell their pets they love them. That puzzled me because, while pets may understand your tone of voice, I don’t think they can comprehend abstract concepts. So saying “I love you” to a dog or cat seems pointless, sort of like telling your car you’re happy to see it. Or swearing at your television while you watch your favorite team lose the seventh game of the World Series, blowing an opportunity for its first championship since 1948 (OK, I’m not proud of that).
The real surprise is that 23 percent of the respondents said they kiss their pets … on the lips. Despite the unspoken love I may have had for him, I never kissed our late Yorkie on the lips. I’m not even sure he had lips. He may have, but it’s hard to tell because his entire face was covered by hair.
Petcube, by the way, is a company that “brings people closer to their furry loved ones.” The way it does this is buy selling cameras for $179 that enable you to spy on your pets while you’re not home. So when you’re at work you can enjoy watching your Schnauzer tip over the wastebasket and spread garbage all over your living room floor.
I probably won’t buy a Petcube this year, since I no longer have a pet, although I suppose I could install one in the kitchen to keep an eye on what my refrigerator is doing while I’m at work. Instead, I’ll just focus on the annual challenge of finding a suitable Valentine’s Day gift for my wife.
I still have no idea what that might be.
But I definitely plan to kiss her on the lips.
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