A perfect storm swamps a doofus

By Doug Page | Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 02:38 PM

Englewood cops called it a perfect storm.

And it hit a perfect doofus.

It started on a dark and snowy night earlier this month when some thief in the night, aka Doofus, made off with two dirt bikes strapped to a trailer in the driveway of a local residence. The homeowner explained the bikes belong to her brother, who had dropped them off on his move from Southern California to New Hampshire.

The lock had been cut to lower the trailer’s ramp, and the tie-down straps on each bike sliced clean. There were few, if any, clues. A BOLO — that’s cop-speak for “be on the look out” — for the bikes was sent to area law enforcement. It appeared at first blush that Doofus might get away with it.

Except the bikes’ owner — he was in New Hampshire — was, as he put it, one angry biker. Hearing that a doofus had absconded with his bikes, the owner went on-line to a popular Web site, long known for selling items of questionable ownership.

The owner found a seller in the Dayton area willing to part with two bikes for a ridiculously low price. He texted the seller, aka Doofus, expressing an interest in buying the bikes. Could the seller, perhaps, send him a picture?

Doofus immediately sent back from his cell phone two pictures, including one that had a green emissions sticker required by the state of California prominently displayed on the front fork of one bike.

The owner then e-mailed Englewood cops. Detective Dave Collins jumped on the case like a hungry dog on a meaty soup bone. He immediately got a court order for the telephone company and the Web site to obtain information about Doofus.

From the photos, Collins figured out the bikes were in an attached garage with a sign hanging on the wall that read: “Complaint Department” with the picture of a hand grenade with the numbered tag hanging from the pin.

Within 48 hours. Collins had the Doofus’ name and address. With all that information, Collins was able to get a judge to approve a search warrant for Doofus’ residence.

When officers arrived, they found both bikes in the garage, the cut tie-down straps still attached to the handle bars, plus a pair of bolt cutters and the lock cut from the trailer.

Doofus first said he bought the bikes from a guy down the street, then claimed he got them from a fellow in Trotwood. Finally, near tears, Doofus admitted he took the bikes. He was given a ride to the county lockup. Prosecutors charged Doofus with felony grand theft auto.

As for the bikes’ owner, he has only one regret. “I wish I could have been there,” he said by telephone from New Hampshire. “I hope he learned his lesson.”

“It was the perfect storm,” Sgt. Mike Lang said. “We had an empowered victim and a dedicated detective.”

And it didn’t hurt that Doofus is 18, and the bike owner is a software engineer who’s been around the block more than once.

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