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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2011 > July > 16 > Entry
Caring for a parent? Share your tips
I haven’t blogged in forever, something about which I feel very guilty and very sad.
I have sampled several great products (including yummy gluten-free KIND snack bars and Mott’s tasty and healthy fruit sauces), broadened my family’s horizons (we’re hosting a Finnish teen this summer!) and experienced much joy (naturally: I’m a mom).
I even took a temporary gig at WHIO-TV, filling in on their assignment desk while another working mom took maternity leave — but I simply have not had time to write about any of it.
And my life is about to take another challenging turn: My mom, who recently suffered a catastrophic medical event, will be rehabbing here, initially at a skilled nursing facility 1.24 miles from my home.
I am not complaining, because I owe her my life, and she would do the same for me without hesitation.
After all, I have had some experience in this role before. My sainted MIL spent her last three months living in our home, in the final throes of pancreatic cancer.
But I have not had to deal with the intricacies and daily frustrations of nursing homes.
So now I am asking readers who have been there to share their wisdom.
What questions should I be asking? What level of service should I expect? How will I be able to leave my 80-year-old mother’s side when she’s so vulnerable?
Help. No, seriously. HELP!
P.S. Thank you, Darci, for keeping Adventures in Motherhood alive.
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Comments
By LucyB
July 21, 2011 12:43 AM | Link to this
Thank you all for taking time to comment — even ‘Tips,’ who took a lot of heat for his obviously passionate response. Mom’s medical issues and rehabilitation needs are way too intense for me to deal with at home at this point. As I said, I cared for my ailing mother-in-law until her death, and it was a rewarding but heartbreaking undertaking — but professional care is the only thing that may help her get back on her feet (literally). Thank you also for your prayers and encouragement. I will need both in the coming days!
By Drained financially & emotionally
July 18, 2011 11:56 AM | Link to this
Now caring for my parents and my wife’s parents. No siblings to help out. At our age (65)we need care.
By Charice
July 17, 2011 8:11 PM | Link to this
I had the pleasure of caring for both of my grandparents before their passing…as a nurse, I knew what I was in for, and that helped me cope….there are some things in life that are much, much more important than how much care of a loved one costs…I would do it again…my grandparents sacrificed way more for me than I ever could for them….my caring for them was just a drop in the bucket…memories and genuine concern are acts of love that cannot be bought, they are priceless….being there for your mom should be enough, however she needs you to be there. Good luck.
By Sid
July 17, 2011 7:02 AM | Link to this
I do not know your Mother’s medical condition and they very well could be that the nursing home is where she will receive the best care. I lost my Father, Mother and Husband in one year. They were not sudden deaths either. I was able to take care of the at home My husband had IV’s and monitors but I learned. I even had a job but took FMLA on tp of four children. To this day I give God credit since He had to have enabled me to do what I did. My husband wasn’t even working. Almost two years ago I moved in with my in-laws for two years and took care of them till they passed. I am Thankful I was able to do that since we did make some good memories. It made me good to show them how special they were to me and that I did love them. What ever your situation is don’t feel guilty and that is easier said than done. Ask your mother if they are taking good care of her. Ask her if she likes the food. Maybe if there is a favorite food she likes you could take her some but ask about her diet first. Everyday before you see your Mother ask the hospital staff how she has been doing and compare it to what your mother tells you. If there is a certain aid who your Mother dislikes, then talk to the staff. See if she can be removed from your Mother’s care. You might have to draw the strength that you never thought you had but it’s your Mother and you are paying them. Spend as much time as possible with her that you can. I used to like to get them to talk about the old days when they were young. I would ask the hospital staff if I could leave my number in case she ever wanted me they could call me. Then I would reassure your Mother that if she ever needs me to tell them and they will call and I will be there no matter what time of day or night and if they didn’t someone is going to wish they had! With God behind you and His arms around you, you can face the days ahead. God Bless and Keep you in His care.
By Overburdened
July 17, 2011 6:12 AM | Link to this
@tips Do you know how much money is spent to raise a child? You will be shocked. That does not account for the total lifetime burden of constant stress and concern. Take off your subjective glasses, buddy.
By Tips?...None
July 17, 2011 12:32 AM | Link to this
Good luck. My written experience with what you’re about to go through would need an editing staff, due to the length of the true story I would tell you. My father collapsed in 1982, died in 1989. My mother collapsed in 1992, died in 2006. I know this sounds very rude/trashy/callouse/shallow/mean/heartless/brutal….but you’re lucky your Mom is on her way to quickly passing away. The cost for care of my parents…over and above what Medicare & Medicaid would pay because of their “special” medical needs…wiped me out economically. Total cost from me for both?>>>$750,000.00 I am 59, and after the economic collapse during the last nine years (from 9/11), I am now broke and have no retirement and live on a job I have, and a small retirement I had to take early (reducing the payout monthly). I’ll pray for you and your Mom. That’s all I can offer. Be at peace…please.