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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2010 > February > 18 > Entry
Why don’t some kids want to grow up?
It has nothing to do with the toy store, but I am afraid too many kids have adopted the credo professed in the catchy jingle: “I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid.”
I don’t know whether it is because they are paying too much attention to the toiling adults around them, if they just have it too good at home or if it is something else entirely, but I know many kids today — from ages 10 to 18 — who say they would much rather stay a kid than become a grown-up.
Their reasoning? Because being a kid is fun, and being an adult, well, not so much.
My oldest son is one of those kids. The 10-year-old told me he thinks being a kid is far better than being an adult, “because you get to do what you want to do more — play sports, watch TV, play video games.”
While, he added, as an adult, “you have to pay bills, clean the house, go to work.”
Of course, some of this is true; there are far more responsibilities for grown-ups.
But what I found interesting was that he thinks he has more freedom than his parents, because he rarely gets to do anything unconditionally.
He and his brother have far more limits than I did growing up. They aren’t allowed to have a TV in their room and can only watch after their homework is done, have strict limits on video games, can’t watch most of the movies they want to see, and aren’t allowed to roam about the neighborhood without supervision.
They have been able to play most sports they want, although we do plan to pull back a little on that this year.
In contrast, I grew up virtually without limits on TV and video games, no rules about what movies I could see, and spent hours playing sports and with my friends all over the neighborhood.
Yet, I couldn’t wait to grow up, move out, go to college, travel, meet new people and explore what my life would hold — on my own terms.
And it just hit me that maybe one reason for that is because I was allowed to think for myself. Maybe my son is so restrained in our modern, protective parenting that he doesn’t even deign to make those decisions and projections for himself.
Maybe he and his brother are so swaddled in good intentions that they don’t feel the need to break free.
Also it seems likely that, as a result and without realizing it, my husband and I have made other aspects of our kids’ lives too pleasant: In place of freedom, we have given them comfort.
For example, although they have weekly chores, this week was the first time that we made our kids help shovel snow. The older one, the one clinging to kid-dom, complained throughout the process.
The younger one, whose life is inherently less comfortable since he gets bossed around by his brother, amiably did what he was told.
Then there is the possibility that, in a generational sense, it’s just their turn to feel this way. The baby boomers, as also noted in an earlier column, famously fought getting older.
I bet if I had told my mom that I didn’t want to grow up, she would say one of two things:
“Neither do I.”
Or, more likely, “Tough.”
Maybe that’s just what I should tell my son. That and things like: “Do the dishes,” and then, “Go out and play for a while.”
Maybe these will be the first few steps that will help him learn that there is much more to life than what he has now.
And, pretty soon, maybe he will want more than just a Toys R Us kid.
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Comments
By flipper
February 18, 2010 10:48 AM | Link to this
It’s called responsibility. They want no part of it.