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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > November > 19 > Entry
Little tweaks on road to gender equality
I have never been what you would call a feminist; at least not in the colloquial sense.
Although I whole-heartedly agree that all rights of women should be equal to those of men, I have never been one to broadcast that credo.
To be honest, I didn’t have to. I was lucky enough to be born after most of the women’s rights battles had been waged and most of the speaking out had been done.
As a result, most of the doors had been opened for me and my generation, and our biggest challenge has been dealing with the mindset that remains.
As a kid, the gender bias was just a part of life. My parents had clearly defined roles. Despite the fact that they both worked outside of the home, my father was the bread-winner and my mother took care of the house and kids.
My sister and I were the ones told to do dishes, and weren’t allowed to see some movies that the boys got to see — even though we were both older than one of them. To this day, as a matter of principle, I have never seen “Alien.”
My father scrutinized the boys’ activities more than he did my sister’s and mine. We weren’t barred from taking part in anything, but that participation didn’t seem to matter much either.
But I was OK with that.
When I was around 8, my brother and I started playing Little League baseball. It was a boys’ league, but girls were allowed. There were four or five girls in the league and hundreds of boys.
I didn’t join to make waves; I joined because I wanted to play.
Most of my baseball career went just fine. I was lucky enough to do well and was respected among my peers — well, most of them.
One kid on the other team, I think his name was Hans, kept making fun of the “girl pitcher” on the mound. That is, until I hit him with the first pitch.
The only time I ran into a substantial roadblock in the league was when I was around 12. The coaches were choosing players to move up to the next level of play, and I wasn’t among them.
A coach that knew my mom told her later it was said in the meeting that I shouldn’t move up because I was a girl and they were afraid I might be hurt and “not be able to have children.”
I was less upset by the decision than my mom and some of my former coaches were. I figured it might just be time to go in another direction.
I kept playing my game, and ended up getting around that decision.
As an adult, I have been lucky enough to avoid serious instances of gender bias that some people have had to face, and my lack of a Y chromosome hasn’t prevented me from getting a job or being heard when I really needed to be.
But where I have seen it is, not surprisingly, in sports — and this time with my kids.
Although I have helped coach my sons’ teams at the rec center many times, this year, the fifth-grader moved up to play select basketball and his team was in need of an assistant coach.
Being a more competitive league and knowing some of the personalities involved, I had a feeling they would prefer to have a male coach help out.
After none of the dads stepped forward, I told the head coach I could fill in if needed. I even said, “I know I’m a girl and all, but I played college ball. So, if you need someone to help, let me know.”
I was told not to worry, that they would get by.
It wasn’t until a few weeks later that the coach said the league told him he needed another parent to be an assistant, and asked if I would still be willing to help.
If I had been more surprised by the course of events, I might have been offended. But I don’t think it was personal; I just think it was familiar.
At any rate, it is all going well. And I figure, maybe having a female coach might even help this next generation get even further toward gender equality.
I will have to start with my own son.
When I told him I would be the assistant coach on his team, he said, “Oh, you’ll be the team mom?”
Maybe it will just take a little while.
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