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Wednesday, April 1, 2009
What movies would you use to punish criminals?
I’m not very good at cracking April Fool’s jokes, nor at detecting them, but I am good at being silly, and April Fool’s Day is a great time to be a little lighthearted, shall we say.
Along those lines, my regular reader Kim S. emailed me with a very creative question: “What movie should criminals watch that would be so bad a punishment the crime rate would go down?”
Hmmm. Well, my favorite whipping boy is Michael Bay’s Bad Boys 2, but given the taste of most criminal types, watching that movie would probably be a reward rather than a punishment, frightening as that may be. Scratch that.
The infamously inept Plan 9 from Outer Space? Nah. Too unintentionally hilarious.
The Hottie & the Nottie? This might work for some white-collar criminals, I suppose, but some of them might have poor enough taste to find Paris Hilton attractive. Brrrr.
Ah ha! I’ve got it! The movie I would force criminals to watch, Clockwork Orange-style, The Hours, starring Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore!
What, you say? The movie that won Nicole Kidman her Oscar? From where I sit, it’s perfect. It’s suffocatingly pretentious, not to most criminals’ taste, and best of all, it’s S-L-O-W enough to make the passage of time seem like real torture. (The movie would more accurately be titled The Centuries) As an added bonus, Phillip Glass’ numbing, repetitive score is annoying enough to drill its way through the thickest skull! (Insert evil laughter here)
That’s my choice, anyway. What are some of yours?
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