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Home > Blogs > Sir Critic on Cinema > Archives > 2008 > October > 30 > Entry
Are these the least scary movies of all time?
We’ve taken a look at the scariest movies - now let’s look at the ones that just aren’t frightening enough.
Question is, where do you begin when compiling a list of horror movies that miss the mark, when the genre is so creatively bankrupt? For way too many of them, it’s the same old song:
Hey look, isn’t that guy, kind of creepy? AAAAHHH!
(Slice)
Hey, let’s go down this path that has no light and a lot of obstructions! AAAAHHH!
(Dice)
Hey, let’s make out! Aaaahhh ….
(Splortch)
Hey, the killer is after me! Instead of running, I’ll cower in the corner and scream! AAAHHH!
(Sklitch)
Thank god, he’s finally dead! No he’s not! AAAHHH!!!
(Splatch)
See what I mean? If it’s not that, it’s movies that seem more concerned with outlandish gore than real scares. So what makes a horror movie truly scrape bottom? Yahoo Movies has some idea, with its users naming the following flicks:
The Happening: It doesn’t work, but it at least attempts something interesting, and I can’t fault a movie for trying. This is a too-easy target for people with short memories and doesn’t belong on the list.
The Wicker Man: Nicolas Cage has done a lot of goofy things on screen, but … a bear suit? Really? Even more scary was the fact that the talented Neil LaBute write and directed this. Reviews frightened me away.
Pulse: I can’t speak to it, but as far as I can tell, this is what we got for making The Grudge popular.
House of the Dead: Seems to me it would make more sense to say “Any movie directed by Uwe Boll.” Why pick just one?
Cursed: The reteaming of Scream creators Wes Craven and Kevin Willamson should have been an event, and it was - just not the kind they intended.
Thinner: I’ve not heard this mentioned much, and maybe for good reason. If we’re talking lame Stephen King movies, I vote to Maximum Overdrive, which he directed - very badly.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch: Had nothing to do with Michael Myers, but then again - most of the films in this series had nothing to do with how frightening the first movie really was.
Jaws: The Revenge: I saw Jaws 3D. That was reason enough to keep me away from this toothless mess.
Troll 2: You mean there was a Troll 1?
Plan 9 from Outer Space: Yes, it’s hilariously terrible, but it doesn’t belong here. Why not? Because for all his ineptitude, Ed Wood Jr. at least made his movies with a passion, unlike, say Uwe Boll.
Runners-up on the list included: feardotcom, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, My Bloody Valentine, The Fog (supposedly the original, in which case - WRONG), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Orca, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, and Dark Water - the last of which I really liked, darn it!
So are these really the worst of the worst? If not, what is?
Permalink | Comments (3) | Post your comment | Categories: Lists
Comments
By SRCputt
October 31, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this
Friday the 13th is just terrible, terrible filmmaking. I put it near the top of the worst list. I have seen Thinner, and its got some interesting stuff, but doesn’t quite work. I’ve also seen The Wicker Man, and it absolutely belongs on the list as it is laughably bad. And any MST3K fan is delighted to see Manos: The Hands of Fate, which is my all-time favorite MST3K episode.By Rob
October 30, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
Pulse is second only to Pearl Harbor in the “Greatest disparity between the quality of the trailer and the quality of the movie” department. The trailer was quite promising but the actual movie was just crud. It was like they got a real editor to make the trailer and then brought in a mentally deficient monkey to edit the actual movie.By Kim S.
October 30, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this
I’d also throw in the recent release “The Strangers”. Not only was it not scary, but it was one of the DUMBEST movies (not a film) that I’ve ever seen!