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Home > Blogs > Big C's NFL Blitz > Archives > 2009 > December > 14 > Entry
Art Schlichter and Gary Burbank come clean
I came across something very funny from my favorite book publishing company, Orange Frazer Press, and wanted to share it with our readers. As you may know, Gary Burbank and former Ohio State quarterback Art Schlichter will be appearing at Books& Co at the Greene on Tuesday, Dec 15th and Thursday Dec 17th.
Orange Frazer Press took time to sit down with their two celebrity authors and interview them about their last book signings and their plans for the holidays. Here is what Burbank and Schlichter had to say.
Where will you be spending the holidays this year?
Gary Burbank: With Earl Pitts and Gilbert Gnarley in Florida.
Art Schlichter: Not in prison, hopefully.
What do the two of you like best about the holidays?
GB: Sugarplums. Does anyone know what those are anyway?
AS: They sound questionable to me. I’m suspicious.
Can you sing the 12 days of Christmas?
GB: I like the version where the brothers from Canada sing about beer and turtlenecks.
AS: “Eight comic books, seven packs of smokes…”
GB: And bacon.
Do you believe in Santa?
GB: Of course.
AS: What’s not to believe in?
GB: I still leave him milk and cookies and a shot of Jack Daniels. I hope his suit is warm.
AS: Can he really make it around the world in one night? I am a fast driver and it still takes me over three hours to get to Cleveland from Cincinnati.
GB: It’s those eight reindeer. They have atomic horsepower. Your hemi is a turtle against eight reindeer, even if they are tiny.
AS: I hope Ford or GM reads this.
Any thoughts on Jesus’s birthday?
GB: Jesus said he was going to teach me how to walk on water. But I told him I’d rather learn how to fish.
AS: I think I’ll send him an autographed football. You know, I bet Jesus would have been a great wide receiver.
GB: Jesus would have been a quarterback. And his disciples would have been his offensive linemen.
AS: Agreed. But wasn’t there one disciple who was a dud or betrayer or something?
GB: Judas.
AS: Judas. Right, right.
GB: And I think Judas failed to block Jesus at a crucial moment and the Romans blitzed him.
AS: He must’ve been a late draft pick.
GB: He never made All-Apostle.
AS: And he was traded.
GB: To the Romans.
Any New Year’s Resolutions?
GB: I resolve to not resolve anything. Oh, and eat more lima beans; even if they do taste like dirt.
AS: I am addicted to Diet Coke. I probably need to see someone about that.
Thanks guys. Happy Holidays; see you at your book signings.
GB: Yep. I’ll be at Books& Co at the Greene on Thursday, Dec 17th at 7pm
AS: And I’ll be at Books& Co at the Greene on Tuesday, Dec 15th at 7pm
GB & AS: Have a safe, peaceful, and happy holiday!
Funny stuff!
“Busted, the Rise and Fall of Art Schlichter” and “Voices in my Head, the Gary Burbank Story” are available wherever books are sold.
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By Mr. Entertainment
December 14, 2009 12:12 PM | Link to this
Art who(cares)?
By Michael
December 14, 2009 1:19 PM | Link to this
Ask Gary Burbank to give my regards to Howlin’ Blind Muddy Slim, if he hasn’t gone over the rainbow with Dorothy and Toto to play Sports or Consequences
By William
December 14, 2009 1:37 PM | Link to this
I wonder what the Sunanamious Bengal would tell us about the team now.
By Bubba
December 14, 2009 3:46 PM | Link to this
Art gonna me given copies of “Straight Arrow” the book Ritter Collett wrote about, away with his own piece of trash. He can explain to people how he shafted Ol’ Rit after the guy stood by him when few other people did through all his prison time. Artie deserves all the bad things which have happened to him
By ARNIE
December 15, 2009 1:05 PM | Link to this
Ten years ago, as a compulsive-gambler counselor, I was asked to come to the National Basketball Association office in Manhattan and met with league officials, x players and union officials, concerned about players’ gambling. The N B A paid for my ticket— I was told, “We have a problem, and we’re trying to find out how bad the problem is” Officials asked me to keep my calendar open for the spring of the following year and said to me that they hoped that I might address every team in the league. When I hadn’t heard from the NBA, I called and asked, “When do we start?” The told me it was cancelled, and the response I got was this: “They said that the higher-ups didn’t want the media to find out” HERE ARE THE FACTS AS FAR AS MY STORY I GOT A CALL FROM HORACE BALMER HE WAS THE HEAD OF NBA SECURITY HE FLEW ME IN TO NYC FROM FLA DEC 99 I HAD A MEETING WITH ABOUT 10 -12 NBA TOP PEOPLE I CAN NAME THEM THEY WANTED ME TO SPEAK TO ALL THE TEAMS FROM JAN - MARCH 2000 THEY ASKED MY WIFE TO COME TO THE 2ED MEETING, THEY HAD US DEVELOP QUESTIONS TO GIVE TO THE PLAYERS AFTER I SPOKE TO THEM. THEY TOLD US THEY “HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH PLAYERS GAMBLING” THE DEAL WAS A HANDSHAKE THEN 2 WEEKS LATER I CALLED TO GET STARTING DATE THEY SAID DAVID STERN KILLED IT “HE DIDENT WANT THE MEDIA TO FIND OUT THEY WERE GOING TO DO THIS” WE WROTE THE QUESTIONS AND GAVE THEM TO THE PEOPLE WE MET WITH. I ALSO SENT THEM SELF ADDRESSED TO MY SELF IN AN ENVOLOPE I STILL HAVE THEM IN A SEALED POSTMAKED ENVOLOPE WHEN USA TODAY WANTED TO DO THE STORY LAST YEAR THEY CALLD DAVID STERN AND WAS TOLD THEY DID NOT WANT TO ADMIT OR DENY THEY HAD THOSE MEETINGS WITH ME AND SHEILA ARNIE WEXLER ASWEXLER@AOL.COM 561 2000165 954 5015270